F Words - What a Food Blogger Eats During Fashion Week

It seems a bit of an oxymoron, yes?

Food.

Fashion.

It seems a bit impossible to weave those two F-words into one lifestyle, yes?

How do I pull off a tiny, almost-sheer silk voile dress with a spring season hemline that would make Britney Hilton blush, when I am wont to inhaling, in one sitting, an entire styrofoam container of trailer trashy nachos that alone has the equivalent of one full day’s recommended dietary intake of calories, rendering my backside into what is now trademarked as BloggerButt™? How? How do I at once eat like I blog it, and still sell myself into fashion slavery? How do I blog about food in the morning and fashion in the evening?

How, Sarah, how?!?!

Babydoll, thank God babydolls don’t have true waistlines.

I can’t go into the details of how or why I participated in the couture-driven chaos known as LA Fashion Week. Just know that I got to watch waifs stomp down the runway with designs, like their skin, barely hanging from their fragile clavicles.

Now, one would think that a food blogger – one who blogs about food, one who obsesses over food – would use the excuse of five days of fashionable frenzy at Smashbox Studios as an opportunity to explore the quarry of culinary gem that is Culver City. One would think a food blogger would start each day off on the right perfectly pedicured foot with a charming breakfast and a copy of WWD, would power lunch through protein and organic greens, would slip herself between a BottleRock and a hard place for two glasses of Italian red and a plate of salumi, would sashay into the flashbulb-filled evening at a trendy Hollywood after-hours.

One would think. One would think that a food blogger would eat. Of all things.

Please.

I may have relied on empire waists and the leg-lengthening illusion of stiletto heels, but we’re talking about fashion shows here.

Fashion shows.

And it’s not about size 0 being considered “plus.”

It’s about scheduling, strategizing, reviewing, pre-briefing. It’s about a glamorous steeplechase: sprinting down the red carpet, darting between posers, ducking from mistaken flashbulbs, high jumping velvet ropes, hurdling everything from oversized handbags to platform wedges. It’s about stumbling home after one too many Citron/sodas air *kisskiss*es and...blogging until you have to do it all again the next day.

It’s about doing it again the next day.

And the next day.

And the next.

It’s about coming out on the other side of five blurry days that tornadoed by so fast it felt like it was all rolled into only one afternoon and that in those five days, you ate the nutrient-deficient equivalent of what you normally eat...in one sitting.

DAY ONE
6:45 AM – Explode out of bed with a *gasp!* and an overwhelming fear that I’m waking up too late to take a shower and “get ready” for the day.
6:50 AM – Sigh with relief that it’s not too late, but decide that taking a shower is a waste of time anyway.
6:51 AM – Start blogging.
7:10AM – Stop blogging for about 30 seconds to get “breakfast.” Down two cups of coffee and half a croissant while madblogging at my desk for the next four hours.
11:15 AM – Suck down three hard-boiled eggs sprinkled with soy sauce and sriracha standing over the kitchen sink before heading off to opening day.
4:00 PM - Snatch zip-top bag (not "Ziploc" because bloggers can only afford generic store brands) of prunes and dried apricots that I very wisely brought with me in my purse and bottled water. Eat one apricot, then toss the bag because what am I? A hippie?
9:45 PM - Greek salad I made at home (one of my favorite salads, so I try to keep the ingredients on hand all the time) and 1½ glasses of Syrah while blogging at my desk.

DAY TWO
7:30 AM - Cup of coffee and a piece of nicotine gum while furiously blogging, because I quit smoking over a year ago, but I already feel stressed.
8:45 AM - Coffee in my to-go cup on the way to the office. I think I finished it before I got out of the driveway.
12:30 PM - Ordered a Caesar salad from cafe up the street but left it sitting unopened, in the white paper bag, on my desk. I did, however, down, yes, another cup of coffee!
4:00 PM - Calorie-burning Enviga because additional calorie-burning
is so exactly what I need right now, and a handful of Good n Plenty because I {heart} black licorice. Gagging on Enviga, kicking myself for not springing for the Tab Energy instead.
7:30 PM - Glass of Syrah (same bottle from the night before) while getting ready for party. Dinner? Who has time for dinner when I still have to put on lip gloss?!?!
10:00 PM - 1 AM - Two Citron/soda and an obscenely expensive bottle of Voss Water.

DAY THREE
9:45 AM - Coffee after waking up way too late after party the night before, plus a handful of vitamins, realizing that I probably won't be eating very well for the rest of the week.
10:25 AM - Barely caught the tail end of McDonald's breakfast drive-thru. Egg McMuffin on the way to the office to help with a mild hangover.
11:15 AM - Diet Coke (but not a coke diet - I'm not a model) at my desk.
4:00 PM - About three bites of a Kashi granola bar that tasted like peat mulch. Had to toss the rest.
9:45 PM - Glass of red wine, then a handful of Salt & Vinegar Kettle Chips, which I immediately realized do not pair well with red wine at all. Put away the chips and had another glass of wine while blogging.

DAY FOUR
7:30 AM - Half a cup of coffee and vitamins.
9:45 AM - Handful of edamame, because that's all I have in my freezer right now, and who has time to go to the market during Fashion Week?!?!
1:15 PM - Wolfed down Nicoise Salad from cafe up the street at desk before heading out with sparkling water.
4:30 PM - Bottled water. No more Good n Plenty. Damn.
10:00 PM - Bowl of vegetable soup from a can (please see above re: grocery shopping during Fashion Week)

DAY FIVE
7:45 AM - Coffee (duh), and I think I remember this thing that I used to do called "cooking." Oh yeah! Scrambled eggs. Okay. Scrambled egg. I only had one egg left in the fridge.
10:30 AM - Enviga in the car on the way to the office. This stuff is really horrible.
12:45 PM - Diet Coke and another Nicoise Salad because not only do I not have time to go to the grocery store, but I don't have the brain power to think creatively beyond what ate the day before.
10:00 PM - I am sure I had some bottled water and perhaps a half dozen pieces of Nicotine gum somewhere in the afternoon. I think I am getting sick, so I had a bowl of chicken soup from a can and glass of wine. At least I'm getting anti-oxidants.
---
Calories consumed during the five days of Fashion Week: 2,000
Calories burned while running around like a pigeon with my head cut off: 39,482
Seeing Paris Hilton look fat next to real runway models: Priceless.

I barely ate my way through LA Fashion Week and lived to tell about it. Thank Goodness it is over.

Now back to my regularly scheduled eating...

** a year ago today, i fried the friendry skies with mahn-doo **
** two years ago today, osteria latini redeemed itself **

tags :: food : and drink : fashion : fashionweek : food diary : los angeles