I’m not a parent (yet), but I think I’d be fairly accurate when I say that there are a few universally accepted parenting rules regarding gifts from your own children. Let me illustrate with a situation that may or may not have occurred in real life, and if it did happen in real life, it certainly didn’t traumatize me, or at least not to the point where I bring it up over and over again.
Let’s say you’re a parent. Let’s also say that it’s your "special" parent day, perhaps your birthday or maybe Mother’s Day. You and your family are sitting around the kitchen table after a dinner of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches because that’s all your kids know how to make. Your children have gathered around you. Each one has deposited a gift in front of you, some of them wrapped in the colorful Comics section of the Sunday paper, some of them wrapped in notebook paper, some of them not wrapped at all, but stuffed inside a paper shopping bag and taped shut. Your kids are giggling, eagerly anticipating your surprise upon unwrapping each gift, barely able to contain their excitement about the perfect gift they got for you. You open each one, each gift from each of your children, and no matter what it is, you absolutely looove it.
Parenting Rule No. 1: You love a gift from your child no matter what kind of ugly, useless refrigerator magnet it is. You love it.
But more importantly, no matter what each of your children gave you, you love each one of your children exactly the same. Even if Sarah painstakingly fashioned an ashtray for you shaped like a heart, not a valentine, but a real human heart because it represents her love for you, and you don’t even smoke, you love her and her gift as much as you love Jennie who gives you...a Lexus LS 430. You love both of your children equally.
Parenting Rule No. 2: You love all your children equally, regardless of the difference in "value" of their gifts.
You don't play favorites, right?
Right? You’re supposed to love your children all equally no matter what, right?!?!
You’re supposed to, and though you hug everyone and tell them each how much you love them all and how all their gifts are equally awesome, even though one is an ashtray and one is an effin' car for god's sake, deep down inside you know you secretly love the child who gave you a car more. You wouldn't have, really, you wouldn't if not for the $14,000 Ultra Luxury Upgrade that includes an 11-speaker 240-watt Mark Levinson audio system and a voice-activated DVD Navigation System with backup camera and Bluetooth technology. You do love Jennie more! You don’t want to, but you do.
I’m not a parent (yet), so this loving of all my children doesn’t apply, but the general concept does. I like to think that in my Delicious Life, I love my all my readers and commenters equally. Heck, I even have a strange affection for the spammers. Just because one reader visits every day and comments on every post doesn’t mean I love him more than a reader who visits once a month and doesn’t comment but I know he visited because he shows up in the stats. (Don’t worry, I’m not keeping tabs on you all. Really, I’m not). It is understood that I love you all, all the same.
Deep down in my heart, right now I love one of you more. *hangs head in shame*
I don’t want to; I want to love each and every one of my Delicious readers equally. I’m human. I’m sorry. I can’t help it because Mark bought me a present. He bought me a book and had it sent to me! It wasn’t just any book. It is Anthony Bourdain’s Kitchen Confidential. Thank you, Mark! You are the best!
I love all my Delicious readers, but I love Mark the most.
Yes, yes, I know. I should never have kids.
** a year ago today, i was all a'flurry with homemade curry **