I don’t know what it’s called, but it usually starts with “If we were a tv show...” and for some reason, you and your group of friends pick Friends because everyone picks Friends to play this game. So maybe the game is called “We are Friends.”
Once you and you friends pick Friends, the real game starts, in which everyone tries to match you, your personality, and your lifestyle to one of the characters on the show. “If were Friends, JP would soooo be Ross because he’s all soft and sweet, and shy and sensitive like that and Sarah, you would be...Phoebe. No, Sarah, you are Phoebe’s weird twin sister Ursula!”
For some reason, I have been identified as every character on Friends, depending on which group of people is playing the game with me. I have even been called...Joey.
Wait a second here. Isn’t Joey the stupid one?
However, if I start the game, I never pick Friends because I only watched the first two seasons and couldn’t relate to the show after that. I always pick shows that I remember watching when I was younger, because after Beverly Hills, 90210 went off the air, I pretty much stopped watching tv. Please, don' try to sell me on The OC as being the 90210 of the new millennium. It's not. Nothing will ever replace Brandon and Dylan. Nothing.
If we were a tv show, we would be The Love Boat, and I would be...Julie the Cruise Director! Because she always carries a clipboard.
If we were a tv show, we would be The Facts of Life, and I would be...Natalie! Because clearly, the girl liked to eat.
If we were a tv show, we would be Solid Gold, and I would be...one of the Solid Gold Dancers! Because I have fishnet stockings and a gold lamé leotard. (Don't ask; you don't want to know.)
If we were a tv show, we would be Three's Company, and I would be...I don't know. Sometimes I think I am Chrissy and sometimes I think I am Mrs. Roper. It's very weird. I loved Three's Company.
Three's Company takes place somewhere in Santa Monica, and even though I know that the Regal Beagle is a figment of some producer's imagination, a girl can still dream that the Regal Beagle is located somewhere along Main Street. If there truly were such a place as the Regal Beagle, a place where you, Jack, Janet, Chrissy and all your friends, including Larry, go all the time to relax and have a drink, it's the Library Alehouse. Obviously, the Library Alehouse looks nothing like the navy blue and white interior decor of the Regal Beagle, but *duh*. I tell myself that they wouldn't keep that '80s look for 20 years. They remodeled.
Apart from the light-colored wood panelling for walls, lofty ceilings, and a few garage sale knick knacks that look like they came from the fourth bedroom that was converted into a Study, there's not much "library" to the Library Alehouse. There is always some form of sport playing on a well-placed tv monitor, and the place is usually fairly crowded, though not obnoxiously so. No one is whispering as if it were a real library. No one is sifting through the card catalog scribbling down Dewey decimal codes and no one is swishing through the microfiche. It's a bar. And who the hell still uses the Dewey decimal system anyway?!
There is no library theme to the menu. In fact, there is no single style of theme nor cuisine dictating the salads, sandwiches, burgers and entrees like Mexican tacos, English fish and chips, American meatloaf, Asian seared ahi tuna with wasabi mashed potatoes (omg, they didn't. yes, yes they did), and Jamaican jerk chicken. It's not fusion, but you might call it "pan-bar." The sandwiches are good, but I only order them because I can eat French fries.
Library Alehouse does not serve liquor. *sigh* However, they do offer wine and a very respectable list of beers on tap, which I know only because there is a long row of taps along the side wall of the bar. Normally, I am a cocktail queen, but boozers can't be choosers, so wine is fine. Beer is only my very last resort, though I am beginning to develop a taste for Hefeweizen. And Miller Light. Are the two related?
I have only been to the Alehouse a half dozen times, but every time I go there, I wish I lived within walking distance of the place so that I could sit there all evening sipping on drinks, eating free multi-colored chips and salsa, maybe ordering a burger or something else off the slightly above standard bar-style menu, and basically shooting the ish with Mr. Furley. "Within walking distance" means I can pull my hair into a high, side ponytail, wear fuschia hotpants, and rollerskate there, just like Chrissy Snow.
2911 Main Street
Santa Monica, CA 90405
** a year ago today, jonathon gold commented on canal club!!! **