When the end of the month finally rolls around and turns over into a brand new set of 30 days or if I'm blessed, 31 days because really now, that extra day makes quite a difference when reporting monthly metrics, I have hope. I do. "Thank God that month is over," I'll sigh. "That was the worst month of my life," I'll wail with my head in my hands. "The bottom. No, it was lower than the bottom. There is no way that the upcoming month can be worse than lower-than-bottom because what is worse than lower-than bottom? Nothing! Right. No way it will get worse. None. It can only get better. God was testing me to see how much I can take and I have passed and this coming month, She is going to reward me!” And then…
Then it gets worse.
I have no idea how it’s possible. It always gets worse.
May 2007 was, in five words, the diametric opposite of awesome. In one word, “sucked.”
It might not seem like it since there were a few high points like being a part of a couple of articles, but if I sum up the gross positives and the gross, and honey, I do mean gross, negatives, May 2007 pretty much net-sucked so much that I barely had the wearwithall to do therapy.
Oops. I mean, post 10 times on my blog.
Exaggeration? I think not. Of course, I can’t prove how truly sucky it was because there are some things, just a few like stress at work that could legally qualify as abuse, scary-ass physical health issues, losing friends, faith, and every last shred of sanity, that a blogger must hold secret and sacred in her heart of hearts and can never reveal by blogging it out loud. You would think that with the overwhelming amount of whining I do on The Delicious Life, I am sharing everything, but that is precisely the point. I don't even share a third of the "good" stuff with the public.
Or at least, not until next month when I’ll be celebrating my birthday every day for 30 days and won’t give a ratatouille’s ash about May. That’s right. My birthday is in June, and because I was deprived of a real birthday party with ponies and pinatas for 32 years, I am going all out for my 33rd.
June is The Delicious Birthday Month.
But before I get all crazy with optimism that might last for all of the same duration as Britney’s popstar career (read: “short”), let’s review the month that wrapped up with an entire week that slowly unraveled itself into a complete and total mental breakdown:
Tuesday, May 1 2007 - April Showers - The Delicious Life April 2007
"the kind that happen in the middle of the night, in total darkness save for the 4" stiletto glow of iridescent red and black flickering Prada that made me finally spill my guts and tiny briny tears all over my half-naked cupcakes."
Friday May 4, 200 7 - Iroha Sushi of Tokyo - Too Dazed in the Valley
"a corpulent mass of broiled mayonnaise that appeared to have collapsed onto the roll after some gruesome battle with a bottle of unagi sauce, it represented almost everything I hate about these types of rolls short of it being dipped in tempura batter and deep-fried."
Saturday May 5, 2007 - Mr. Cecil's California Ribs - Top 20 or So Food Words That Are Better Left in First Draft
" 'Food of the Gods' – No such thing. God doesn’t eat. That skinny bitch."
Sunday May 13, 2007 - How to Make Fried Rice, or Why My Mom is F'amazing
"Pass a small bowl of soy sauce, because nothing says 'authentic Asian fried rice' than dousing the whole thing with a little Kikkoman."
Saturday May 12, 2007 - La Oaxaquena (Taco Truck) - Ridin' Dirty
"Obviously, we didn’t want to get arrested."
Thursday May 17, 2007 - Forbes Traveler's Top 15 Foodie Hotels and How I'm a Perpetrator
"there is a difference between 'travel' (moving from one place to another) and 'flying' (fucking scary)."
Saturday May 19. 2007 - KoreAm Journal's My Life is an Open Blog - The Delicious "Comes Out"
"Don’t point, laugh, make fun, or be mean in any way, please. I am a blogger, which means I am sensitive. I blog about food, which makes me even more susceptible to emotionally caving in on myself."
Monday May 21, 2007 - Audrey Magazine's To Be Seen - This is Why I'm (Not) Hot
"we all know that arrogance, in essence, is really just a flamboyant façade."