Somewhere deep down in the darkest depths of a previous post, I alluded to my having one of the worst months in the history of my life ever on the planet in this universe. Ever. Don’t worry, I know most readers don’t get past the first paragraph in one of my posts, let alone the penultimate, but I still hate you for not reading.
It’s not really fair to say “worst” without explaining in what way it’s been the worst. Neither family nor friends have fallen ill. I didn’t get arrested, get mugged, get my heart broken (at least, not in recent months), get my house broken into, get into an accident, lose a job (again, not in recent months), or experience any other sort of disastrophic tragedy that would put me into an impossibly hopeless physical, mental, emotional, or financial situation.
When I say “worst,” what I am really referring to is my inability to keep up with this overwhelmingly frenetic pace that my life has reached. While I used to thrive on that kind of fast-lane lifestyle, careening at warp speed with my tailpipes on fire, this is undoubtedly unravelling at such a high speed that only teeny tiny dogs can sense it. My resumé doesn’t lie – every cliché “skill” on there is actually true for me, except for “team player.” (I have never have been a team player, never will be, and neither is anyone else, but I will save my thoughts on “teamwork” for another day.) I am a “multi-tasker.” I can juggle competing priorities. I am a master of time-management. However, never before in my life have I had so many different things going on, not only simultaneously, but all with the same critical-path urgency. I cannot prioritize priorities when everything is priority one.
But the worst part of it is that no matter how deeply I focus, how late I work into the morning, how much caffeine, nicotine, taurine and vitamin unnatural NRG I pump through my veins, I can’t seem to get a damn thing done. Oh, I get things done, but I can’t get them done.
For the 968 things that are going on in my life right now, not a single one of them is anywhere near done. Complete. Finished. Signed, sealed and delivered. I don’t mind having 968 things on my list of things to do. In fact, I love having a ToDo List. However, I have not been able to check off a single thing and it is. Driving. Me. Crazy.
According to my resumé, I am a goal-oriented person. I like objectives. However, more than setting goals, I luuuuurve meeting them. I like to start a project, work feverishly on it, then finish it right before I keel over with exhaustion. Nothing, and I mean nada, gives me more satisfaction than finishing a project (well, there are some things, but let me put it to you this way. I see everything as a “project,” and for certain projects, the emphasis is on “finishing,” ‘k?)
I like to hand over a final deliverable. I like to check something off my list. Yes. I love checking off lists. Here’s a secret though. I like meeting goals so much that sometimes I set very very easy goals just so I can feel complete when I meet them. I like checking off lists so much that I put things on my list that don’t really need to be on a list, but I put them on there anyway, just so I can check them off. “Charge cel phone.” Who writes “charge cel phone” on a to-do list?!?! I do. I even write things on a list that I already did, just so I can see it on my list as checked-off. WTF? Is that cheating? Is it weird? Scratch that. Yes, lunatic, it is weird, but how weird is that? It is very very weird, but I can’t help it.
I think it’s a sickness.
There has to be a name for this ailment, one of many from which I suffer, because I can’t be the only person who suffers from it. There has to have been at least one other person who has complained about it to a doctor, counselor, therapist (*ahem* or blog), which means it is documented, which means it would have obscure-German-doctor’s-last-name’s Syndrome, which means it is official, because if at least two people have it and it is documented, then it is a very real disease. However, searching through WebMD, there was nothing under “makeslistcompulsivelyorelsefeelsincomplete.” That must mean it’s something experienced by only me, in my head, not anyone else and that would make me…
A basket case.
Because I have not been able to check off anything from my list of 968 things in the last few months, I am a basket case.
Strangely enough, I didn’t bake because it relaxes me. Some people find baking a serenely pleasurable activity. For me, baking is quite the opposite, really. Patience with scientific meausurements and precise timing is actually stressful to me. I am not a very good baker. I am not even a good baker. When it comes right down to the honest truth that no one would ever say to my face after I’ve baked something and they’ve eaten it because they just aren’t that rude, I suck at baking. It’s not false modesty. I really do suck at baking.
However, neither butcher nor baker, I am an obsessive list maker, and I needed to do something that I could legitimately put on a ToDo List, then check off as complete. I needed to feel like I was getting something done, and done. Baking is a project that can be planned, executed, and completed within the span of about 45 minutes. Brownies are deliverables.
And really, no matter how much I suck at baking, I can’t really screw up brownies.
I feel so much better now.
But I still have 968 things to do.
Mini Snickers Brownies recipe
The following statements do not comprise a recipe, merely some guidelines on how to go about approaching this project. I used a recipe for brownies that is most likely very similar to a recipe that you have for brownies, unless your recipe has nuts, cream cheese, or some other foreign ingredient that really, should never adulterate a brownie, or your recipe is found on the back of a box. Whatever the case, your recipe for a basic brownie is perfect.
Dole out the brownie batter in a greased mini muffin tin. The mini muffin tin is key because it very greatly reduces the overall baking time which means 1) the Snickers you add to the top won't melt into ugh
blivion, and 2) you finish the "project" sooner.
Just throw a 1" slice of a Snickers bar on top.
You will have to bake these by "feeling," relying only on your sixth sense to indicate when the brownies are "done." You can't really go horribly wrong with brownies, since they are exceedingly moist if underdone, and with the Snickers, are still okay if slightly overdone.
In either case, at least they're done.
** a year ago today, they called me waverly for my pumpkin cheesecake **