There is no reasonable explanation for why I don’t like movies – I just don’t. Some people don’t like sitting down to read two chapters of a book. I don’t like to sit down and waste two hours of my life in front of a movie. I’d much rather spend that time with Ruth or Tony or flipping through cookbooks.
But what I like even less than a movie is a movie theater. For movie theaters, I do have a reason. Many in fact. I don’t have to get into all the costs that, by the time the ending credits roll, have added up to a final bill that could rival Urasawa. I can count on one hand all the places in LA where I don’t have to pay for parking. I can’t even carry enough cash to pay for a movie ticket. And don’t even get started on the concessions.
But the cost factor is rendered moot when I think about the other stuff. Theaters are dark. They’re cold. They’re uncomfortable, crowded, dirty, messy and downright unsanitary. My ears ring louder after two hours in a movie theater than six hours bouncing around the dancefloor. The soundsystem is amped to superhuman decibels, and people are even louder with their “whispering” and laughing. There’s chewing, slurping, and ohmigod-what’s-that-smell burping; hollow rustling in the popcorn tub, and that *snapcracklepop* of twenty dollar twizzler wrappers. Straws squeak up and down rubbing against the tiny triangles of plastic pointing downward on the plastic lid. The alternating high- and low-pitched squeaks that echo in the cavernous 64 oz. wax-coated megaphone of a cup sounds disturbingly like my neighbors who go at it with full-force at 2 am. *ugh*
But there is one thing that will make me forget every dime spent, every squeaking straw, every piece of greasy popcorn stuck to my ass from the person who sat in the germ-infested chair before me – Vince Vaughn. And now, there are two things that will get me to a movie theater without kicking and screaming – Vince Vaughn, and a full-bar. Take me to the ArcLight!
I’ve always thought the business model for a Brew n’ View was brilliant, but never heard of them in LA. Actually, I’m not sure I’ve heard of them anywhere, so if I just brilliantly made up “Brew n’ View,” don’t steal my idea! There are a few places in LA that show movies with dinner and drinks (like CineSpace), but they’re primary business is restaurant.
Of course, the ArcLight, the big ritzy glitzy movie theater on Sunset in Hollywood serves better than just brew. After 10 pm on most weekends, you can attack their full bar upstairs for the 21+ shows. About the same price as any bar in Hollywood, drinks aren’t cheap, but they’re not weak either. Now that’s the way to watch Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson. *dreamy sigh* Seventy-five percent buzzed on citron/soda, I can’t hear all the noise because I’m laughing louder than everyone else.
Who knew you could have a hangover from the night before...at the movies? ;)