at one point, i couldn’t quite understand the analogy between pizza and sex, but finally understood the parallel as a guy’s simple, straightforward logic – yes, of course you’ll take some if it’s there, and like sex, pizza can never really be bad.
for the gals, like me, the analogy is, of course, much more complicated, and works in a slightly different way. sometimes i want the sauce to be sweet, sometimes i want it hot and spicy, and many times none at all; tonight i want a thick, hard crust, but tomorrow i want it thin and soft; i might try something different, exotic toppings like wild boar, and even though i’m accustomed to everything on top, i could be turned on to a stuffed pizza. every detail matters, and i shouldn’t have to tell you what i want and when, because you should just know. and no, pizza is never really horrible, but it’s very very very rare that the whole thing absolutely blows me away.
there was the usual back and forth of “what do you want?” “i don’t know, what do you feel like?” and somewhere along the way, we decided on pizza. perhaps it was the giddiness because we’re going to try a new pizza place, abbot’s pizza company. perhaps the drive all the way down to venice seems long when there are so many options within walking distance of home. maybe it was the multiple trips up and down abbot kinney trying to find first, the very small, unadorned storefront that almost blends into the block, and second to find a parking spot. whatever it was, by the time we finally stepped up to the counter, pointed at the slices of on the racks flanking the register, paid the $3/slice and sat down at one of the steel bars along each wall, i had been worked into a famished frenzy.
and this one was...yes! a veritable pizza-gasm.
pizza bianca has no tomato sauce. had i carefully read their menuboard, i would have seen that abbot’s makes their bianca with garlic pesto sauce and would not have ordered it. but thankfully, my animalistic hunger took over and i rushed right into it, simply pointing like a chimpanzee to order. what an excellent uninformed choice. it wasn’t a sauce that overwhelmed the whole crust as much as it was just another fragrantly garlic, faintly pesto topping in perfect balance with red onions, fresh tomatoes, julienned basil, and mozzarella and ricotta cheeses.
many times i’ve scorched the roof of my mouth, so my first bite of the bianca was careful. the crust was thin and crisp. the pizza wasn’t hot, just very warm, so i devoured it, only pausing for the first heavy dot of ricotta. it added a subtly sweet creaminess to several fleeting moments. bite after bite, and my last bite of the poppyseed crust alone was like a perfectly toasted, proper poppyseed bagel. it’s crunchy first on the outside, then thick and chewy on the inside. this, the bagel crust, is what make abbot’s pizza company famous - onion, garlic, sesame, poppy, a mix of all four called “the blend,” and just plain “hot-crust.” thick and thin, crisp and chewy; abbot’s has the best of four crusty worlds.
i force myself to slow down for the popeye’s chicken pizza. spinach, mushroom, onions, and mozzarella cheese, on the same garlic pesto sauce, along with a tequila lime chicken which i pluck pluck pluck right off. the chicken’s marinade wasn’t bad, just too much flavor stimulation with the garlic pesto already.
olive pesto sauce underscores the symphony of mushrooms and cheeses on the wild mushroom pizza. portobello, oyster, button and shiitake mushrooms in perfect rhythm with parmesan, romano, and mozzarella cheeses. ohmigod. it’s so good. this is the one. this is my favorite. i mmm-ed with every bite, and i’m pretty sure my head was slightly tilted back with eyes closed through at least half of it. i wanted more, but i can’t. three slices and we're done.
so yes, pizza is like sex, and abbot's most certainly does it for me. they let you have the best of every world. plain crust or something on it. thin and crisp or thick and chewy. you can have a single slice or a whole pizza. eat in or take out, or even have it delivered. gourmet specials or pick-your-own new york style. traditional tomato, alfredo, or one of the pesto sauces. this or that, it’s no wonder that it was so orgasmic.
now just get up, toss paper plates and napkins in the trash, and head outside to have a cigarette.
abbot's pizza company
1407 abbot kinney (@ california ave.)
venice, ca 90291