I had an entirely different plan for this recipe and post and pretty much for my life.
But whatever day the Mayans predicted about the end was inaccurate. My world? It fell apart yesterday.
And today I am heartbroken...
I was going to write about the Holidays. About how we put up our very first Christmas tree last week. About how terrifyingly excited I was to travel "home" to the East Coast and visit his family. About how I looked forward to baking failures in the kitchen because it would be for cookies for Santa and friends and neighbors and cakes for all the Christmas parties we would be going or throwing.
About how nothing is a failure when you do it out of love.
About how these Chocolate Chip Marshmallow Cornflake Crunch Cookies were probably not the wisest choice for someone who hates baking because they are complicated but totally worth it because look at the beautiful mess that happens when you break it apart.
Look at the mess.
When you break it apart.
I have so much I want to write. That's how I've coped in the distant past. I wrote on my blog a lot when I was "going through stuff" — losing a job, struggling in a relationship, losing a relationship, struggling to find a relationship. It's why I didn't blog as frequently during the last three years; because I was so very very happy living and loving my life.
But today, and probably tomorrow, and possibly the day after that, I will be sad but surviving, unhappy but hopeful that in this lifetime, I am meant to have more than one love of my life because I just spent three years with one, and have to believe that there will be another.
Chocolate Chip Marshmallow Cornflake Crunch Cookies {recipe}
From the Momofuku Milk Bar Cookbook by Christina Tosi
Cornflake Crunch
If you can, make a little extra Cornflake Crunch to use as a topping for French Toast.
makes about four cups
INGREDIENTS
5 cups cornflakes
½ cup milk powder
3 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon salt
9 tablespoons butter, melted
DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 275°.
In a medium bowl, with your hands, crush cornflakes to ¼ of their original size. Add milk powder, sugar, and salt; toss to mix. Add butter; toss to coat. (As you toss, the butter will act as glue, binding the dry ingredients to the cereal, creating small clusters.)
On a parchment- or Silpat-lined sheet pan, spread clusters and bake for 20 minutes, at which point they should look toasted, smell buttery, and crunch gently when cooled slightly and chewed.
Cool completely before storing or using in a recipe. Stored in an airtight container at room temperature, the crunch will keep fresh for one week; in the fridge or freezer, it will keep with one month.
Cornflake Chocolate Chip Marshmallow Cookies
makes 15 to 20 very large cookies
INGREDIENTS
2 sticks room-temperature butter
1¼ cups granulated sugar
⅔ cup light brown sugar, tightly packed
1 egg
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
1½ cups flour
½ teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon baking soda
1½ teaspoon kosher salt
3 cups Cornflake Crunch
⅔ cup mini chocolate chips
1¼ cups mini marshmallows
DIRECTIONS
In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, combine butter and sugars; cream together on medium-high 2-3 minutes. With a spatula, scrape down sides of bowl, then add egg and vanilla and beat 7-8 minutes.
Reduce speed to low; add flour, baking powder and soda, and salt. Mix just until dough comes together, no longer than 1 minute. (Do not walk away from the machine during this step or risk overmixing.) Scrape down sides of bowl.
Still on low speed, paddle in cornflakes and chips until just incorporated, about 30-45 seconds. Paddle in marshmallows.
Line a sheet pan with parchment paper. Using a 2-oz. ice cream scoop, portion ⅓ c. dough at a time onto pan. Pat tops of dough domes flat. Wrap pan tightly in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 1 hour or up to 1 week. (Do not bake room-temperature disks — they will not hold their shape.)
Preheat oven to 375°. On a parchment- or Silpat-lined sheet pan, arrange chilled disks a minimum of 4 inches apart. Bake 18 minutes, until cookies are browned on edges and just beginning to brown toward the center. Cookies will puff, crackle, and spread. Leave them in oven for another minute or so if they still seem pale and doughy on the surface.
Cool cookies completely on pan before moving them to a plate or an airtight container for storage. At room temperature, cookies will keep fresh for 5 days; in the freezer, they will keep for 1 month.
Elizabeth says
Aww, just last weekend my friends notified me that my ex had gotten engaged, and though I haven't spoken to him in months, it's slowly started to sink in. It was bad enough when he met her this past spring and I felt that I needed to depart from his life, and he from mine, to truly move on. Can't say I'm at 100% yet, and this is after nearly a year of "moving on." At least after all this, I've come to know who my closest friends are. And while it would be so easy to know what the future holds, part of the joy of living is the unexpected encounters we will face :]
Min says
Sarah,
I am sorry you are going through this. Go ahead and mourn, You are worth it.
Min
Craig Minami says
In my world, it is when you get lemons make lemon bars, my best thoughts to you and my friendship always
craig says
I always try to turn lemons into lemon bars. Sending good thoughts and friendship
Peter says
Hearts heal. Cookies, not so much luck. Hugs for both of us, my wife walked out the other day.
Uwe says
It may seem like the hardest thing to do, but you have to forget about the person who forgot about you.
catty says
My heart aches reading this. brings back too many memories. I know everyone is saying they are going through or been through the same thing but i also know that you probably don't care because it's YOUR world that has just imploded. I wish I could give you a real hug, I really do.
Jean says
Aww Sarah, I'm sorry. This makes me realize how long I've been a fan of your blog and of Tastespotting. In the beginning I followed your writing because I related to your snarky single voice and it was nice to hear from another Korean independent single gal (though I'm not as young or glamorous as you; I'm also happily single by choice these days, though that wasn't always the case). I definitely noticed the diminished frequency of your posts over the years, but cheered for you because you were evolving and growing and clearly in such a happy place. I'm sorry about your heartache and sending well wishes that time brings you everything you need and more. We're all here cheering for you.
Susie says
Like Mariah Carey said, love takes time to heal when you're hurting so much. When it does, I hope you remember our favorite white girl singing Caress me down with the perfect raggae accent "mucho gusto me llamo Bradley. I'm hornier than Ron Jeremy..."
Sarah J. Gim says
OMG. so I had no idea what you were talking about until CleanAndSoba night and you guys filled me in on the grayout parts :)
TB says
I'm sorry that you're going through this, but it will pass. One day you'll wake up and your heart won't feel so heavy. Happy Holidays.
Averie Cooks says
Saw these on FG and so sorry about whatever you're going thru. I made them too, about 6 mos ago, and mine fell apart juts as yours do, not really 'fall apart' but a mess as you say, yes :)
Vespa Woolf says
I love the idea of these cookies! They're so unique with the crunch topping and marshmallows. I've marked these to try soon...thanks!
Joy says
These look really delicious and I wish I could just grab one right out of my computer screen!
kksbailey says
Nothing I say will make you feel any better. It sucks. Full stop. But...I hope you know that I think you are amazing (even though you don't know me and I could be a creeper, but I'm not). You are an inspiration to me with your fantastic personality, writing and photos. I hope your spirits can be momentarily lifted knowing that you lift the spirits and souls of others.
Elisa Leone says
I'm so very sorry that you have to go through this especially during the holidays. Just know you’ve made many of us very happy with this recipe and I hope that happiness comes right back to you stat.
Sarah J. Gim says
Thank you, Elisa! Hope you get to try making the cookies!
Dho says
No matter how broken, you know Susie and I will always be there to help pick up the pieces. Especially when it comes to cookies. We are EXCELLENT at picking up cookie pieces. Mucho gusto...
Sarah J. Gim says
Dho and Susie, my two fav koreans... thanks for being there. and drop kicking first dates to be here. and the sparkling lambrusco :)
Loren@FelixDoolittle says
That was one of the most beautifully written and touching recipe stories I've read. There's nothing that any of else can say that can help the loss, but I do wish moments of happiness and laughter with other friends and family this holiday season. His loss. Big hug.
Sarah J. Gim says
Thank you, Loren!
Amelia says
I'm so sorry:(
Sarah J. Gim says
Thanks, Amelia... things are looking up
Marie | Feeling Foodish says
I'm so sorry to hear this Sarah. I hope you find more strength as each day passes. Broken hearts are no fun. Find something that makes you feel better and treat yourself well. You are a beautiful, young, successful woman. And remember, tough times don't last - tough people do!
Sarah J. Gim says
Thank you, Marie! And it already makes me feel better to see the word "young" in your comment ha. :)
The Midnight Baker says
I'm so sorry Sarah. Someone else said nothing any of us can say can make it better for now. Been there, done that. Stay strong!
Sarah J. Gim says
But it definitely helps to know that there are people who have gone through the same thing (and heck, haven't we all been through this many many times? :) ) AND always come out the other side for the better.. Thanks, MB!
Anita at Hungry Couple says
Hi Sarah,
I'm new to your blog and have been spending time looking around, drooling over food and being awed by your beautiful style and photography. I'm sorry my introduction to you began with a sad event in your life. But, first there will be sadness and then there will be love again. I spent a long, long (long!) time searching for the other half of Hungry Couple but he was worth the wait. You'll find yours. Looking forwarding to reading your future posts since I just subscribed to your feed. Be well.
Sarah J. Gim says
Thank you so much for the encouraging words about love, Anita! And thank you for subscribing to the feed :)
Karen D says
I wish I could Pin this and other recipes on this blog!!!!!!!!! Where is the pin button!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE
BeccaHeflin says
From within Pinterest, there is something called the "Pin bookmarklet" It ends up being saved as a bookmark on your browser toolbar. It allows you to Pin from any web page!
Rebecca says
i've made these cookies twice-- they are a paaaaaaain in the ass, but super delicious. i would almost advise just baking the cornflake crunch and eating it straight or on top of ice cream. but! if you must make the cookies, pleeeease underbake them. 10 minutes, 12 TOPS. otherwise, they just kind of melt and burn to the pan :(