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    Home » Top Dog, Berkeley - They Won't Admit it, but Women Want to Be Punished

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    Top Dog, Berkeley - They Won't Admit it, but Women Want to Be Punished

    top dog, berkeley, ca
    LAX to SFO, no. 15

    Friday afternoon. He hasn't called you in four days. He hasn't even emailed, that jerk. You wonder if you're still going out tonight and assume you're not, but just in case, you get ready anyway because at the very least, you can look good for the little Indian kid who will be delivering the samosas you have to order for dinner for yourself later. The phone rings. He's in his car outside and he just wants you to "Come down." Holy shit! You take five minutes to throw on jeans and the cleanest tank top you can find in the pile on your floor, and smack on some lip gloss on the way down in the elevator. You're pissed because he never called. You're pissed because he just showed up. You're pissed because you look like you just stepped out of the shower, and you like to "look cute," even if he never tells you that. In fact, he sort of has temper and as soon as you open the cardoor, he wants to know "What the f--k took so damn long?!" He takes you to dinner to his favorite steakhouse. You've mentioned about 56 times that you're not eating red meat right now, but he thinks that's okay because you can eat his side salad, but not the tomatoes because he loves those. Dinner didn't taste good, but the cocktails did, and after dinner was, well, let's just say that dessert was delicious.

    That was Number One. He's basically a Jerk. But a totally hot, totally delicious, Jerk.

    Friday afternoon. He calls you at 2:00, after lunch because he remembers that you like to work hard through Friday lunch, mindlessly slupring through instant ramen, sometimes not eating anything at all because on Fridays, you just. Wanna. Get. Outta. There. He's just making sure that coming by your place at 7:30 is okay. It is. He shows up at 7:30 on the dot. He has a bottle of Pinot Grigio because even though he loves a Chardonnay, you hate it. He pours you a glass and leaves it on the table for you because you're still getting ready, but he doesn't mind and tells you to take your time. You emerge from the bedroom in an adorable wrap-dress, and of course you look fabulous, but he says it out loud anyway because he can't help himself. You look stunning. He opens the door for you. He closes it for you. It's your fault that you're late, but he calls the restaurant that you said you've been wanting to try for months, and politely asks them if it would be too much trouble to hold the reservation for 15 minutes? Of course. Dinner is delicious. The evening is, well, it's just lovely.

    That was Number Two. He's just absolutely lovely. He's a gentleman. You shut the door behind you with a lovely *sigh*.

    But all you can think about is Jerk Number One.

    Why?

    Why, oh, why?

    Whyohwhyohwhyohwhy....why do I do this?

    Why do I defy all logic and just *stupidstupidstupid* punish myself?

    We could have picked up something quick and easy as we checked out of the hotel in San Francisco. No, I wanted to make the drive back to LA as long and painful as I could. I want to exit the freeway, tacking on at least an additional 30 minutes to our drive. I want to stop in Berkeley! We could have stopped somewhere quick, right off the freeway. No, I want to make it an absolutely unnecessarily out-of-the-way detour, damaging my tires over surface street potholes, dis-aligning my alignment on lopsided speedbumps, dodging hippies, homeless and hungover students, and go all the way into the heart of Berkeley, where we will spend at least 20 minutes looking for street parking that has so many restrictions we need a fucking PhD to figure out if we can actually park there. I want to re-eat my glory days! We could have gone to Intermezzo and had a light and healthy salad with poppy seed dressing and Dutch crunch bread. We could have gone to Smart Alec's and had an anti-oxidant rich vegetarian veggie vegetable. We could have gone to Steve's BBQ and had a protein-packed, bird-flu-fighting bulgogi and kimchee. No. No. No.

    I want Top Dog.

    top dog hot dogs, berkeley, ca
    i want top dog
    top dog hot dogs, berkeley, ca - menu board
    you have options

    And not just the healthier, lower fat, lower cholesterol, mild-mannered, thoughtful, generous, gentlemanly, polite poultry Lemon Chicken with a bit of sauerkraut, which is as much of an avian flu antidote as kimchee. I want the Hot Link.

    top dog hot dogs, berkeley, ca - grill
    be good to yourself
    top dog hot dogs, berkeley, ca - lemon chicken
    mild, healthy, just lovely lemon chicken

    The Hot Link is hot. It's tempered. The Hot Link has a very bad attitude. And as if that weren't enough, I want to skip along the condiment counter, passing over all the weaksauce, and drown my Hot Link in the Russian mustard that says "sweet," in English but is really Russian for "don't come crying to us when you weep hellfire from your eyes and your nostrils."

    top dog hot dogs, berkeley, ca - condiments
    skip all the weaksauce
    top dog hot dogs, berkeley, ca - russian mustard
    russian for "you will weep hellfire"

    *stupidstupidstupid* was delicious. I wept so much hel
    lfire that we bought a jar of the Russian mustard to punish ourselves at home.

    *stupidstupidstupid*

    Top Dog
    2534 Durant Avenue
    Berkeley, CA 94704
    510.843.7250

    www.topdoghotdogs.com

    ** a year ago today, you could never be jello. or panna cotta **

    tags :: food : and drink : american : restaurants : reviews : san francisco

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    Comments

    1. abraxis says

      June 07, 2006 at 6:34 am

      Mmmm. Classic Top Dog! I usually get two, a hotlink and a brat. Smothered in onions and that hot honey mustard.

      Yumyumyumyumyumyumyum

      Great attention-getting title to the post too...!

      Reply
    2. Rachael says

      June 07, 2006 at 2:19 pm

      I love that picture! Sexy, delicious and just a little bit lewd...heh-heh-heh.

      But my DEAR! What is with all the teasing? Where be da posts? Hmmm?

      xoxox,
      Rachael

      Reply
    3. sarah says

      June 07, 2006 at 4:54 pm

      abraxis: i *blush* get two, too. LOL! even though one is PLENTY for a meal.

      l.a.c.: glutton for pain. in every way.

      rachael: i am sooo uninspired with the writing these days. i think i lead a very boring life and have nothing to write about! LOL!

      Reply
    4. Jay says

      June 08, 2006 at 4:34 am

      A Hot and a Brat is my order too.

      I particularly like to go there on Saturdays. The gentleman (Gary) who works the counter then has been working there since the late 80's.

      In those days they had a very rigid crowd-control/ordering process in which it was very important to comply with all of the ordering rules, lest you be sent to the back of the figurative line. At 2:15 am that could mean an extra 30 minutes of trying to stand up without swaying too much.

      Spending 4 years living within one block of Top Dog was, for me, the beginning of a dangerous obsession.

      Reply
    5. Christine D. says

      June 09, 2006 at 8:11 am

      Oh no you didn't! I LOVE TOP DOG!! Ask my cousin who goes to Berkeley. I went to visit her earlier this year and she took me too all these restaurants, and at the end of my trip, she asked me what was my favorite restaurant up there, and i said TOP DOG! :)

      Then she said: "What?! Out of ALL the places i've taken you, you liked Top Dog the most?!!?!"
      Me: "Yep!! I LOVE hot dogs!"

      I even tried to bring one home with me, but I ended up eating it when we were walking back to her dorm, haha. I can't wait to visit her again this year! mmm

      Reply
    6. Anonymous says

      June 12, 2006 at 4:39 pm

      Hey now.

      Don't go stereotyping all women like that. Maybe YOU like to punish yourself, but some of us are smarter than that.

      Reply
    7. sarah says

      June 12, 2006 at 6:31 pm

      jay: within one block?!?! me too! well, i lived in Unit I my freshman year, then moved to an apartment a little further south on regent, but top dog is, you know, always "on the way" to and from campus.

      *horrible*

      christine d: and you know what? you can order their dogs and have them shipped to you! (though i'm sure it's not the same as eating it there, fresh off the grill).

      anonymous: you're right. you're so right! i take it back! i take it back! i'm the only one!

      Reply
    8. Stephanie says

      June 13, 2006 at 1:08 am

      Matt thouroughly enjoyed this one! He misses those hot links...

      Reply
    9. hermz says

      June 28, 2006 at 12:26 am

      I'm hoping I can try that Russian mustard sometime. :D

      Reply
    10. sarah says

      June 28, 2006 at 11:13 pm

      stephanie: awww...yeah, i miss those hot links, too. all the time.

      hermz: oh, baby. you can come over and try my hot mustard anytime.

      and you know with what they would be so superfantastic? sauerkraut balls!

      Reply
    11. http://www.europetrotter.org/2007/12/01/russian-mustard/ says

      November 30, 2007 at 2:13 pm

      Oh, the mere mention from another blog about Russian mustard…. Never again will I put my body through so much pain! I think my head will explode at the thought of it.

      But I love that here it's described as “don’t come crying to us when you weep hellfire from your eyes and your nostrils…” that’s so appropriate. I can’t wait to get back to Russia for some more culinary self-flagellation.

      Reply
    12. Markus says

      June 15, 2008 at 1:22 pm

      Good Job! :)

      Reply
    13. Markus says

      June 15, 2008 at 1:22 pm

      Good Job! :)

      Reply
    14. Tips dog says

      August 27, 2008 at 3:42 pm

      i am hungry

      Reply
    15. Anonymous says

      March 04, 2009 at 12:31 am

      Calabrese and bockwurst. Mmmmm. The Hot link is my always a great choice, but I've never had the guts to order a 3rd dog.

      Reply
    16. Anonymous says

      March 04, 2009 at 12:31 am

      Calabrese and bockwurst. Mmmmm. The Hot link is my always a great choice, but I've never had the guts to order a 3rd dog.

      Reply
    17. Sarah J. Gim says

      May 26, 2009 at 10:53 am

      anonymous: what is bockwurst?

      Reply

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