HMS Bounty
3357 Wilshire Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90010
213.385.7275
www.hmsbounty.net
** Long overdue completion on this post. Hate me, but at least it's here now. **
We met at the HMS Bounty. It was his choice. Let me break it down, Delicious style.
HMS Bounty is in Koreatown. Strike one.
HMS Bounty is a D-I-V-E. Strike two.
He is smarter than me.
Strike three?
That’s right. He is smarter than me, and while I could probably come up with excuses like “destination FOBtown sensation is conveniently in the middle,” and “Benito’s is a dive, too,” I had a severe, but subcutaneous, problem with the fact that he was very clearly, very obviously, so very blatantly, more intelligent than me.
My bad. Than I (am intelligent).
But let’s be clear about what the real problem is here. It’s not about intelligence, his nor mine.
It’s about grammar! At the very least, he probably knows the appropriate usage of “I” versus “me,” and I don't like anyone challenging my reign supreme as grammar queen!
The truth of the matter of the heart is that I do not know what I want. I am so totally fuct in the head that I have absolutely no clue what I want, no clue what I think I want, and no clue what I think I think I want. Or think. Or want. My thoughts and wants are never aligned with one another, and they change in non-aligning value every day. It’s kind of like playing a twisted game of Russian roulette with my own emotions.
I want complete and utter freedom. Bang! Wrong, because what I think I want is to be romanced out of my mind. Bang! Wrong again, because what I think I really want is someone who will stand up to me. Bang! What I think I think I want, which may or may not be what I really want, is…a New York Strip cooked medium with a side of filet mignon.
brilliant!
See?
We all know that I would never order a steak medium.
I want meat to be bloody rare.
And I thought I wanted someone who is smarter than me (am smart), but as soon as I met The Scientist at HMS Bounty, I was hurled back into that wicked game of volleyboy in which I'm on one side of the net *sighing* over his brilliance, then tossed over to the other side of the net fiercely competitive with him, then smacked back to the other side, swooning with certainty that he reads the New York Times. Or maybe the Wall Street Journal. But not USA Today, because come on, only the economy business class who stay at the Fairfield Inn read the free copy of the USA Today with their continental breakfast.
HMS Bounty is in Koreatown, but it's not in in the gorgeous glittering ghettropolitan section of Koreatown. It's in a scary part, and by "scary part," I mean the tiny stretch of Wilshire Boulevard that is exactly the length of the width of HMS Bounty's storefront. The entrance is dark. The facade is crumbly. The chain-linked empty lot across the street didn't help.
captain's cave, man
doesn't quite register
When I stepped inside the HMS Bounty, I swear I felt like I had walked into Long John Silver's basement rec room. If the entry doorway had been dark, the interior was even darker, with an eerie red glow coming from an unidentified source. Maybe this was the hell lounge of naughty sailors, where the portholes are sealed shut and the antique register rings, but never lets them pay and leave.
I saw The Scientist sitting at the corner end of the long, wooden bar. I sat down beside him and was introduced to the three crusty old men with whom he had been in friendly chat. The three were "buddies" and have been regulars of the place for years - like 20 years. I have to admit that there was something utterly charming about that.
iceberg!
high steaks on the high seas
The Scientist and I got to know each other better. We drank a little, looked over the laminated sheets that offered what was once known as "continental cuisine," and ordered. With each progressive step in the conversation, I was at once interested, but intimidated. By the time a dinner salad with a Denny's-menu-picture-perfect dollop of Ranch dressing and the Baseball Steak arrived at our places, I was lost.
I'm sure The Scientist gave an athleto-historical reason for the name of the Baseball Steak, but all I could really think was that it looked exactly like a baseball. Naturally, it was presented very continentally with steamed broccoli and French fries. Both were well done, and I think I might have noticed that The Scientist had ordered his steak rare.
Rare.
But still, he's smarter than me.
And I don't want the HMS Bounty.
I think.
Others are saying:
~ Caroline on Crack: Wind Down After the Wiltern Aboard the HMS Bounty (Nov 2005)
~ Citysearch: "it's all very lush, solid and serious"
~ LA.com: "ranked among the best bars in the city"
~ Yelpers give it 3½ stars out of five
** a year ago today, we set the tivo for graze anatomy - the 6th ed. of dine & dish **
tags :: food : and drink : american : restaurants : reviews : los angeles
Charlie says
Now I can't head over. You've let the secret out! :-)
KT says
WHAT?! The HMS Bounty is AWESOME. You know it has to be good when the waitresses have been there for 25 million years. And every trip to the bathroom is an adventure!
And reading the information on the walls and wondering what the hell "breadfruit" was led me to start a blog.
So there.
Anyway, when someone took me on a date there, I married him. So watch out, Sarah!
KT says
WHAT?! The HMS Bounty is AWESOME. You know it has to be good when the waitresses have been there for 25 million years. And every trip to the bathroom is an adventure!
And reading the information on the walls and wondering what the hell "breadfruit" was led me to start a blog.
So there.
Anyway, when someone took me on a date there, I married him. So watch out, Sarah!
GT says
I think the literature implication of HMS Bounty should have been enough right there.
Rachael says
OMG, I spent Thanksgiving (three years running now), Christmas AND New Years Day at the Bounty, it is the BEST! How can you not love it! EEK!
(I suddenly feel like a bit of a loser! LOL)
Rachael says
OMG, I spent Thanksgiving (three years running now), Christmas AND New Years Day at the Bounty, it is the BEST! How can you not love it! EEK!
(I suddenly feel like a bit of a loser! LOL)
Caroline on Crack says
The Bounty for cocktails? Definitely. For a first date dinner? Uh, not so much. I'm so sorry.
Caroline on Crack says
The Bounty for cocktails? Definitely. For a first date dinner? Uh, not so much. I'm so sorry.
Huoy says
Wow...ugh. Dealbreaker? Restaurant choice tells alot about a person. Especially First Date Restaurant choices.
Huoy says
Wow...ugh. Dealbreaker? Restaurant choice tells alot about a person. Especially First Date Restaurant choices.
sarah says
charlie: but i thought iwas so good at keeping secrets
kt: but was that the FIRST time he took you out?
gt: nice. i shoulda just not gone. ok, but seriously, he was nice. and smart.
rachael: you could never be a loser.
caroline on crack: i don't know... even for cocktails, i'd rather go lounge-ish. i like to play dress up!
huoy: you're tellin' me. like who would take a girl to HOUSTON's?!?!
elle says
maybe you shouldn't want anything in particular that way you will not be disapointed...maybe just let things happen and relax and enjoy the ride.
Erin S. says
The HMS is a few blocks away from my office, so it's the perfect after work drink spot. They do give you free snacks with the beers and they have killer onion rings.
Perhaps he was being ironic/kitschy? Cuz that's the Bounty vibe, in my opinion. I love the crusty old dudes at the bar.
Jeff says
One can dislike the Bounty, despite the fact that it rocks, but the Bounty is not in K-Town. The Bounty, along with Taylors, is one of the last remaining outposts of Mid-Wilshire. Long ago, Mid-Wilshire was a posh part of town. Then it entered into decay, only to reincarnate awesomely as Korea Town when Koreans began immigrating to LA in large numbers. Very little remains of Mid-Wilshire, but the Bounty is a glorious holdout of an age long gone.
Anonymous says
LOL, I'm sorry, but I have to point out the bad link to HMS Bounty.
It says:
The Web Site for PBD 303492346 is Closed.
To reopen this Web site, without losing any information, please call 1-877-64-SMART
This site is best viewed by Microsoft® Internet Explorer™ 4.0 or higher,
and is compatible with Netscape Communicator™ 4.0 or higher.
JF says
This would explain why you're always talking to yourself. :)
sarah says
elle: the thing is, i really am not looking for something in particular...i actually don't HAVE a checklist. granted, there are things that are attractive to me, and i know what i definitely don't like, but as far as having specific things that are requirements...those don't exist.
and when it really comes down to it, i'm not even really "looking."
:)
erin: i loved those crusty old men, they were adorable.
jeff: thank you for the history!
anonymous: i just clicked through and you're right! it's bad! but they don't really need a website...
sarah says
elle: the thing is, i really am not looking for something in particular...i actually don't HAVE a checklist. granted, there are things that are attractive to me, and i know what i definitely don't like, but as far as having specific things that are requirements...those don't exist.
and when it really comes down to it, i'm not even really "looking."
:)
erin: i loved those crusty old men, they were adorable.
jeff: thank you for the history!
anonymous: i just clicked through and you're right! it's bad! but they don't really need a website...
j gold says
If it makes you feel any better, it is indeed called a baseball steak because it looks like a baseball. In another form, it was one of the house specialties at the sorely missed City Restaurant. The same cut is called a culotte steak at Taylor's. And if you want to buy one at Ralph's, it is the hemispherical end of a tri-tip.
Oh - and IMO, HMS Bounty should be reserved for the fourth date at earliest, the one after the inevitable Thai/Ethiopian third.
off2cdwzrd says
Sarah, that doesn't look like iceberg... that looks like romaine, the seoond most generic salad lettuce, maybe mixed with iceberg as they sometimes do.
Anonymous says
Hah, the only reason I pointed out the bad link is...well, read the number: ###-SMART.
And site is best viewed with 4.0 or higher. 4.0, that elusive number which codes for "perfect GPA" or "genius brainchild." In relation to your post, I found this amusing. Not nitpicking at link, swear!
Anonymous says
bitch
sarah says
j gold: i don't know, thai is like when you're already in the relationship, when you really have no other choice.
off2cdwzrd: oooh, but i love romaine! caesar is one of my ATF salads! and have you ever tried grilled romaine?
anonymous #1: no worries. and 4.0? not elusive for me ;)
anonymous #2: why "bitch?" because koreatown is really far away, which would make me more "lazy" than bitch? because i called the bounty a "dive" which means i am..oh god, the nerve of me...accurate?!?! because i, a fairly small, weak person, was a little uncomfortable in that area walking alone after dark? yeah, i'm a little bit of a pussy. because i'm too competitive that i am probably denying myself a really good relationship with a very smart man?
*sigh*
i guess i'm a bitch.
neat!
Zach Wheat says
Color me sentimental, but if I were the guy in question I'd be totally turned off by you too.
I lived in the Gaylord for a good seven or eight years, and my tenure at the HMS Bounty probably accounted for a good fifteen pounds (or more) added to my frame. It's a great place, but part of the charm began to fade when the older folks who either worked there or drank there started to go to the Great Big Bar in the Sky.
That and the hordes of hipster scum and middle class people from the west side that heard it was a "cool place to see celebrities" did much to erode its magic.
Ack.
I'm sorry the understated dignity of the place was lost on you. Or its history or cheap, ample pours. For me it was a rest from the completely oversexed, overcommercialized, plastic bland sprawl that Los Angeles has decided it wants to be.changing into.
Places like the Bounty remind us that the city once had a soul, and I for one hope to God it lasts long enough to merit the historical preservation that the Ambassador Hotel did not.
I'm going to drink to the old guys who find their comfort in an old bar. I suggest you go back and try talking to them.